Hello, happy Superbowl Sunday and welcome to week 4 of chip rankings. There was some great discussion in the comments section last week and I wanted to highlight two flavors that I have never tried before: Lay’s Limon and Ruffles All Dressed. I tried getting my hands on some before this post but I haven’t been able to find a place that will deliver them (for a reasonable price, seriously wtf Amazon charging $10+ a bag). I’ll soon peruse a grocery/convenience store in person and report back with potential updates to those rankings.
I have been hearing recent buzz around “chip shortages” and was getting very worried about the state of chips in the world. However, I confirmed that these shortages are for semiconductor chips. There is obviously NOTHING to worry about everyone (except for the inability to get potato chips delivered for a reasonable price and some geopolitical tensions over critical semiconductor manufacturing capacity). All is well and we can return to the safe and happy world of potato chips.
As I mentioned last week, there are a few different categories of “Big Chip” brands that we could dive into, so this week I will be ranking cheese-based cracker brands (Goldfish, Cheez-Its, etc.).
The two clear titans of industry in this space are Goldfish and Cheez-Its, so here’s a snippet on the history of each:
Goldfish crackers were originally invented in 1958 by a Swiss biscuit manufacturer named Oscar Kambly to celebrate his wife, who was a Pisces (SAME!). He chose a goldfish because it was a symbol of luck. #whatsyoursign #love #moon #horoscope
They were introduced to the US in 1962 by the founder of Pepperidge Farm
Julia Child used to put them out as appetizers (let’s bring this back)
In 1997, the crackers started to feature a small imprint of an eye and a smile which gave way to the famous tagline, “The Snack that Smiles Back!". However only 40% of crackers actually have that imprint on them! Thank you, America, for the incredible marketing ploy but also the sneaky cost cutting. Take note, while some of yours are smiling back, others are blind and listless
Cheez-Its were invented in 1921 by Green & Green, a cracker manufacturer in Dayton, Ohio (SAME! kinda). Green & Green rose to prominence because of their innovative approach to supplying the US military with cracker-like bread; they packaged their snacks in hard tins that preserved the crunch
The color of Cheez-Its does not actually come from cheese! (honestly not that surprising). Instead, it comes from annatto extract (seeds from an achiote tree, native to South America) and paprika (which gives it some spice as well!)
Kellogg’s was sued over the branding of “Whole Grain” Cheez Its because they contained more enriched flour than whole grain. I TOLD you these “baked” and “whole grain” labels can’t be trusted. The shame!
A moment of vulnerability: there are a TON of Cheez Its flavors that I haven’t tried yet. What I will do with my rankings this week is highlight what is good/bad for those I know; the others will have to wait. With that off my chest, see below for my cheese-based rankings1:
Goldfish Xtra Cheddar Flavor Blasted. These are crack. Xtra Cheddar is Xtremely delicious and arguably should be made illegal
Cheez Its Original. Cheez Its Originals narrowly missed out on the top spot. They have the perfect crunch with a great balance of cheese and salt. Nothing is overwhelming about them. Here’s a a crazy proposition, but I swear that you need to try it: try eating your Cheez Its like cereal - with milk! It may SOUND crazy but they are both “dairy” based and complement each other nicely
Goldfish Xplosive Pizza Flavor Blasted. It’s tomato-ey and cheese-ey, just like your favorite pizza
Combos Pepperoni Pizza Crackers. Whoa. You didn’t expect this one, did you? Delicious, though not well known. They have a creamy cheese center that is bursting with pizza flavor, and always as surprising as their place on this list
Goldfish Original. A classic. Again, the snack that sometimes smiles back (SAME!)
Cheez Its White Cheddar. This is good but it just feels a little wrong to deviate from orange cheddar. This one wouldn’t be good with milk
Combos Cheddar Cheese Crackers. A childhood classic but the cheese flavor tastes a bit cheese-whiz-y. Good for road trips though because they leave no powdery mess
Goldfish Whole Grain. Goldfish did not get sued for these but maybe they should have been, too
Some flavors I know of but haven’t tried:
Cheez Its - Italian Four Cheese, Extra Toasty, Hot & Spicy, Pepper Jack, Parmesan, Sharp Cheddar, Cheese Pizza, Cheddar Jack - Oh my! I could see myself really liking a few of these, so I’ll report back with an update in future weeks (remember to subscribe!!)
Goldfish and Cheez Its have a ton of “Duo” and “Mixed Flavors”. I have never opted for these because how could they be better than one full bag of true deliciousness? I could be missing out though
Goldfish also has “Grahams” which are dessert flavors. To this, I say: stay in your lane
That’s all for this week! Thanks for tuning in. As an aside, it’s insane that there is no fairly-priced and convenient way to get a buttload of delicious chips delivered to your door. To remedy this, I am now taking angel investments for my new DTC chip company. LMK if you are interested in participating in the round - I will offer great terms to my faithful chipranking subscribers.
Always open to debates on the above. Remember to subscribe and leave a comment below!
I have intentionally excluded Goldfish Pretzels because they will be included in a Pretzel edition later on